A Hum-Drum Tuesday Night

"You know what hummus is? A fancy word for bean paste."

"Did the guy excite you, Honey?"
"Thats what she said!!" (the 'thats what she said' comment was exclaimed by someone outside of the two person conversation which made it all the more entertaining)

"So does that mean hummus makes you fart a lot since its made from beans?"

"You know where weiners come from? huh?"
"Ew no no no no no!!"
"Austria! what did you think I was going to say?"

"You know what it means when a guy has big hands?"
"Ew no, don't go there!"
"I was just going to say they wear big gloves!"

"G___ don't put your finger up my nose!"

A Typical Friday

"It says its natural. Lots of things are natural. Like Opium. And poop."

"What else is in there besides heath bars?"
"Anus"
"Oh, sounds delicious."

"You know how they always say its French so it's better? You know what else is French? Pepe Le Pew. And would you put that on your face? I don't think so."

"Look! That lady looks like a man!"
"Oh, dear."

"Oh my gosh a bee!! Why are you saving it?"
"Because I'm a hero." (conversation took place in the pool)

"Wait, why shouldn't girls wear white pants?"
"It's just not a good idea."
"But why?"
"Because, D___ we get periods and bleed. And it's just a bad idea."

"COOL BEANS!" (said totally randomly, and quite loudly, in the car)

(once again, apologies for any offensive comments. no offense is ever intended.)

Just another Thursday

"I was just flossing your phone cord through my toes. I don't know why you were wigging out!"

"Hey ___."
"Yes M__?"
*obnoxious gas*
"Thanks. I really feel the love now."

"You know those Jew hats?"
"You mean a yamaka?"
"Yeah those Jew hats." (apologies for any offense taken from an ignorant cousin's remarks)

"But why can't I stay the night?"
"Because you are a boy"
"I still don't understand why."
"Because you have a penis and we have vaginas!"
"Oh.. Ok then.."