A Ho- Hum Holiday

"Why are there naked women in the bushes??"

"Let's change the subject."

"BOOBIES."

"MY TOE!!!... ow..."

"My wenis really hurts."

"How do you say burrito in Spanish?"

"At the count of five, every body yell your favorite boobie, I mean buh, I mean.. Oh never mind."

"Ragdoll, sham a nam a noo me!" (singing a beautiful rendition of Aerosmith's Ragdoll)

"You don't wanna be Nubby. He was flushed down the toilet."

Wonderless Wednesday

"My head is in the oven."

"Are you taking a picture down your pants? Because I don't wanna see that."

"Did you just burp?"

"Yes."

"I can smell you're dinner."

"CHEESECAKE!"

"I ate six octopus balls."

"Hold it in one hand and take a bite."

Mundane Monday

"What did my twinkie ever do to you???"

"All I did was eat a ding dong."

"So really, you just leaked."

"You loopholer!"

"Look at my thingy!"
"No.. put it away!"

"Goodnight Loopy!"

"He can beat Nemo with a stick."

"Because you've got a Phillip on your side."

"NUBBY!!!"

Another Unexceptional Time

"Someone has a cousin with one ball. Oh wait. I think he's dead. No maybe not. I can't remember if he's dead..."

"Ew it looks like boobs."
"Yeah, Long, stringy, goat boobs!"

"Hanging out with a poop holder!"

"I always like when movies come out on my birthday. It's like Hollywood is saying happy birthday!"

"I think in this case he is allowed to have cajones."
"Well, I was born with them."
"Oh that's nice."

"I know nothing. I'm not saying anything. I know nothing."

In Days Gone By...

(I apologize for the length between this post and the last one. Time has simply gotten away from me.)

"Just a fart and a wave!"

"Oh no! I've lost my phone! E_____ call my phone so I can find it!"
*crazy train ring tone*
"D__. It's in your pocket."

"I'm not saying lighting your farts on fire is a sin, I've just never done it."

"Let me go! I just want to be FREE!"

"Look a bunny! Let's name him Phillip. HI PHILLIP!"
(like two minutes later)
"I change my mind, let's name him Nubby! NUBBY!!!"

"Oh he's not really far away... He's super short!"

"CHRISTMAS!!!!! Christmas is coming!"

"I don't remember anything about anyone's penis."

A Hum-Drum Tuesday Night

"You know what hummus is? A fancy word for bean paste."

"Did the guy excite you, Honey?"
"Thats what she said!!" (the 'thats what she said' comment was exclaimed by someone outside of the two person conversation which made it all the more entertaining)

"So does that mean hummus makes you fart a lot since its made from beans?"

"You know where weiners come from? huh?"
"Ew no no no no no!!"
"Austria! what did you think I was going to say?"

"You know what it means when a guy has big hands?"
"Ew no, don't go there!"
"I was just going to say they wear big gloves!"

"G___ don't put your finger up my nose!"

A Typical Friday

"It says its natural. Lots of things are natural. Like Opium. And poop."

"What else is in there besides heath bars?"
"Anus"
"Oh, sounds delicious."

"You know how they always say its French so it's better? You know what else is French? Pepe Le Pew. And would you put that on your face? I don't think so."

"Look! That lady looks like a man!"
"Oh, dear."

"Oh my gosh a bee!! Why are you saving it?"
"Because I'm a hero." (conversation took place in the pool)

"Wait, why shouldn't girls wear white pants?"
"It's just not a good idea."
"But why?"
"Because, D___ we get periods and bleed. And it's just a bad idea."

"COOL BEANS!" (said totally randomly, and quite loudly, in the car)

(once again, apologies for any offensive comments. no offense is ever intended.)

Just another Thursday

"I was just flossing your phone cord through my toes. I don't know why you were wigging out!"

"Hey ___."
"Yes M__?"
*obnoxious gas*
"Thanks. I really feel the love now."

"You know those Jew hats?"
"You mean a yamaka?"
"Yeah those Jew hats." (apologies for any offense taken from an ignorant cousin's remarks)

"But why can't I stay the night?"
"Because you are a boy"
"I still don't understand why."
"Because you have a penis and we have vaginas!"
"Oh.. Ok then.."